CRUMBY GRATITUDE JOURNAL: Flying High With Moccona

Caffeinated Reflections: Cherished Coffee Crumbs & Dismissed Realities

click on the picture to watch it on youtube

SONGLINE: Kayahan ~ Hep Karanlık

YER: The Daily Kayahan Minibus Commute To Mauri Foods, Bakırköy

+ □✔ ♪|b=m|, ♪|y=iy|, crumbs, linguistic regression, misheard lyrics, pollyanna

0110 MOCCONA | 1:04 | 25 Jul 2021

An attempt to write and speak freestyle in Turkish, by trying to describe the momentary joy of whiffing the freshly-opened-instant-coffee-smell, that only lasts for a few seconds. There was noticeable regression in vocals, as though I was 4yo. It unsettles me, because the pitch is abnormally high - but I wasn't conscious of it while speaking. That was just the natural state of how it became vocalised. I can't understand how or why it became child-like, but it has happened enough times for me to recognise it as a feature - the same way I'm aware I carry many modal types of accents in English. Seemed like it captured the state of the 4yo flow with slithers of my former «sass» that was lost.

There is an awful video record of me trying to read Turkish around 8yo. The pitch was abnormally higher than this sample ...and, I didn't even understand what I was reading. I was just trying to pronounce the (PIG) Latin ...in public, and it was embarassing. I abhor being expected to read out loud, without any rehearsal to get acquainted with what the text wants to say. Like, let me read and comprehend the gist of it first, so I can work out how to «perform». I hated how I was expected to pre-emptively know how to do that, while reading something on-the-fly. That's no different to throwing a script at an actor, expecting them to perform for a film, without consent. Don't expect me to read a children's book to a child, without letting me get to know how the story is supposed to flow and who all of the characters are - so I can work out how to perform their voices (yeah, kids love it when I do «voices»). TRAUMA. That's why I don't like where this child-tone takes me, though being snarkastic by taking the piss out of the «gratitudinal pollyanna cop-out`ism» seems to be functioning as a coping mechanism. Abnormal pitch, caused by aus terrör - it's from the land.

Sample also captured the Slytherlexia with suffixes. Recently gained some insight, when I caught my mother trying to throw an «uyduruk» (experimental) suffix at me. I confronted her, asking if she had thrown an unconventional suffix at me, she laughed and said «YES!» ...in the «...but how did you know?!!» kind of way. That started to explain how I'm carrying my mother's ways, when the meandering suffix-noodles start coming out of me ...because she did that a lot ...and I'm sensing it's because her mother or great-gran were also playful with language like that.

...i didn't know the word for «instant coffee»:
şimdi'den-çabuk kahve kutu'ğumla
of my from-now-ready-fast coffee container

another way to try and say that;
from-of-now-fast coffee container'of-mine(with-it)

There are a few oddities like this, where i'm conscious my expression will be odd, but i have no other through-way to express myself and this is the only way I can manage to get a concept projected.

NOTES:
♪|b=m| - beni = many ...I was surprised to see how this phenomena also happened in English. I did physically say beni in the sample. ♪|y=iy| - ..functioning as a vowel.

* Scottish`esque'ça falir was still present. I'd like to nail the specific region & direction of where it comes from.

değer'li saat'eminin
my valuable time
dare lease art taming inn

an'ınna işçin
for this moment
urn in an ease chin

yüz'ümün
my face'/s
you zoo moon

vur'ulması
punching-of
we rule mass sir

tazə aç'ılan koqu'yla
with the freshly opened smell
taser archer learn, go cooee liar

şimdi'den-çabuk kahve kutu'ğumla
of my from-now-ready-fast coffee container
shim the dam, trebble, coffee go tomb liar

beni ɉoşku'lu ekstaz'latıyor
ecstasy'ifying it is, to-me
many judge colour, extra slutty oar

sade'ɉe, yaklaşık
for only close-to-about
sow the chair, yuck lush shirk

dört sani'ye işçin
for four seconds
dirt, so near itch chin

koku dağıl'ması
until the smell distribution
cuckoo down my sir

zayıf'lanɉıya kadar
looses weight
safe lion jerk adder

bu beni kur'uyor
this dries me up
booby near courier

ve bu beni kırı'ıyor
and this breaks me
wear booby near courier

ama o an'nının işç'inde
but within that moment
armour, or oven an itch in there

küçüɉük, ufak'lı
a runty, petite
coo chew duke, who fuck loo?

bir mutlu'lukđur
form of happiness, it would be
beer, mute loo look tour

bir inhalasyon'nun
one inhalation
beer inhalation noon

fiyaat'tının harɉı...
the cost'/s spend...
fee art tuning, our gym...

harɉı'masıına kadar
until it's spent
heard you massing a codder

ondan sonra
after that
on darn sawn roe

iki ay bekle'mem lağzım
two months I must wait
icky eye bake lay maime low zoom

bunu gene
this again
boo new gain a

tekrar'landırmaka işçin
to repeat it
take rare rounder mucker itch chin

yeni şimdi'den çabuk
with a new instant fast
your near shim the den, char book

kahve kutu'ğula
coffee container
coffee coat tooler

It's all true, but yes - also sardonic. FAVOURITE MOMENT: «heard you massing a codder». Reminds me of Riff, who could detect the Russian/Scottish tones in English. I feel like I can trace the origins over time, sensing accents drifting north of Dublin. I don’t know those regions yet, and there’s no road map for English accents. However, I know I’d recognise the paths if I visited on foot. I’m grateful that my time with Riff lasted longer than a fleeting Moccona moment.

~ iD-ENTiTY

~ My Name Is Ayça, get used to it

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